


Don't Look Ahead

by itsthefangirlapocalypse



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2016!phan, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blowjobs, But he doesn't know he's jealous, Dan is jealous, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Friendly banter, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hookups, M/M, Masturbation, Oblivious, One Night Stands, Party, Smut, drunk!dan, fantastic foursome - Freeform, these tags are all over the place, wingman!Dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-14 02:16:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5725963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsthefangirlapocalypse/pseuds/itsthefangirlapocalypse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Dan thought Phil and him shared a brain. Lately though, it was like they lived on different planets. Phil seems to be getting his life together while Dan struggles to imagine his future. He doesn’t know what started it – the slow spiral of confusion, heartache and dread that his life was becoming – but he is pretty sure it all began with Chris Kendall’s questionable advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set very loosely somewhere in 2016 and will probably go slightly off-canon from after the New Year. Let's all appreciate Dan and Phil getting together without worrying about the technicalities!
> 
> Also, expect this to be a long one, probably around 12 chapters if not more. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The best prologues always involve smut.

Dan’s mind was swirling. He couldn’t quite place the unsettled feeling in his gut. Was it embarrassment? Stress? It definitely could be the concern that someone could walk into the dark bedroom at any moment, even though he had checked that the door was locked - twice. Dan pushed his head back in the pillow as he tried to slow down his laboured breathing. He felt beads of sweat slither down his forehead into his hairline. Damn it, his hair was going to curl. He was sweating too much, he would look like a stupid hobbit and they would all know. It was going to be obvious, as soon as he stepped back downstairs, what exactly he had been doing. They would know exactly what happened. This was such a bad –

“Oh, fuck!” He whimpered. All the blood in his body rushed downwards, away from his head, interrupting his train of thought as he felt a wet tongue trace the underside of his erect penis. He heard a low chuckle.

“You don’t need much, do you? Wow, you really needed to get laid.”

Dan would have rolled his eyes if it wasn’t for the fact that the hot breath he now felt on the tip of his shaft was driving him insane.

“Shut up, just – “ Dan couldn’t really muster any more words, the effects of alcohol and arousal clouding his mind.

“Gladly.”

Dan moaned loudly as he felt hot wet lips engulf him, sending bolts of pleasure running down his thighs and up his bare chest. His eyes flashed open. Shit, he really needed to be quiet. He glanced at the only light in the room, the yellow aura threatening to expose them from the slit under the door. He could hear the muffled voices and music coming from the other side of it, distant yet still too close. Somebody laughed loudly. He knew that laugh.

Another wave of pleasure hit him and another sound threatened to escape his throat. He threw one arm over his face and bit it in a desperate attempt to silence himself while the warm tightness travelled up and down, up and down. Dan felt around him, searching for something, anything to hold on to. The rough duvet beneath him clung to the bed so tightly that the fabric wouldn’t give his fingers sufficient grip. A rough hand was creeping up his torso, sending additional shivers down his spine and preventing him from moving his hips forward. God, did he want to buck his hips right now. The tongue did a swirling motion around the head of his cock and flicked at his slit, arching Dan’s back and sending his free hand to grab a fistful of hair. He was so close.

That’s when his phone started buzzing. It was on vibrate, but had apparently fallen on the floor when his trousers had been pushed down to his knees earlier because the vibration from the call resonated on the hard wood floor and created an thunderous rhythm. As a reflex Dan started to sit up, but the man between his legs made no move to back down. In fact, he sped up his own rhythm to match the ringing. Dan’s breath hitched as he tried to contain another moan.

When Dan felt hands grabbing at his ass, pulling his cheeks apart and his hips forward, he knew he was done for.

“Wait, I’m gonna… I’m…” Dan warned.

The warmth of the mouth was immediately replaced by hands who grasped the base of his shaft and started stroking his member at a frantic pace. The ball of fire that had been building up in the pit of his stomach seemed to throb until it couldn’t hold on to the heat any longer.

Dan’s mind went blank. He threw his body backwards as he trembled through his release, barely registering the sticky mess he was making on his own chest. Specks of light exploded under his closed eyelids. Dan suddenly remembered to breathe, and slowly his vision started getting back to normal.

The ceiling above him was unfamiliar. Though it was dark, he could still make out the intricate mouldings that adorned its edges. He could totally be in a castle right now. Something right out of Game of Thrones – or maybe an ancient Greek palace. That’s it, a Greek palace floating on a cloud, in a sparkly night sky, only illuminated by the moon… Dan closed his eyes and let his mind drift into fantasy. His heartbeat resonated in his ears, and his breathing was loud and slowing down, resembling a sort of lullaby. He felt heavy, like he was slowly sinking in quicksand, or being enveloped by a giant marshmallow. A giant marshmallow palace on a cloud.

Dan was about to fall asleep when he was brutally assaulted by some kind of sharp cardboard object. He jumped up in surprise, only to notice the box of tissues that had been chucked on his chest.

Suddenly, Dan was much more aware of his surroundings. More specifically, he became aware of the mess that was on his stomach, the fact that his flaccid penis was still exposed and the fact that his friend was smirking amusedly at him from across the room where he was zipping up his jeans. The situation couldn’t help but to be mildly embarrassing.

“I know I’m good, Dan, but I don’t think passing out naked in a strange house during a party is a great idea.”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh awkwardly at the situation under his breath. He tried to look anywhere but his friend’s face as he wiped himself down and pulled up his pants and boxers as quickly as he could. Where the hell was his t-shirt? He quickly scanned the floor. There it was, a dark lump at the foot of the door. Go figure. Dan sat up, immediately feeling dizzy. Damn, he forgot how much he had drank that night. Thankfully, after a few seconds, the feeling passed.

“Imagine if I had let you fall asleep… The look on PJ’s face when he came in to set up things for the shoot tomorrow! I would pay to see that!”

Dan pulled down his shirt and spun around to glare at his friend in horror. “They’re filming in here tomorrow?"

“Yep.”

“And you knew this.”

“Yep.”

“And you thought it would be a good idea for us to suck each other off in here anyway.”

His friend's lips formed a mischievous grin. “Absolutely. Nothing like a movie set to set the mood.”

Dan shook his head. No one could be as irritable as this guy sometimes. What if they had messed up something somewhere? Dan scanned the room. Other than the bedspread being a little crooked, nothing really hinted at what had just transpired. Dan sighed and resolved to drop the issue. No doubt he would have to suffer through a few more obnoxiously flirty comments before they made their way back downstairs… Dan’s stomach dropped. Downstairs. People, their friends, just having a good time, blissfully unaware of their little affair. Would they be able to tell? How long had they been up there anyway? He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Chill out, Dan. No one’s going to be able to tell. Well… I would fix your hair a little.”

Dan laughed. “I would look in a mirror if I were you, you look like you've been, well…”

It was truly comical how the other man’s straight hair stuck up in all kinds of directions. Dan almost reached up to fix it for him, but stopped himself. Somehow, the gesture would feel too intimate. They were friends, he really didn’t see him that way, though Dan couldn’t deny that he was quite good with his tongue. What a bizarre combination of feelings.

He wiggled his eyebrows at Dan but never the less tried to flatten his hair a little with the palms of his hands. He handed Dan something black and shiny. His phone.

“Here, I think that’s yours. Wouldn’t want to leave behind any evidence now, would we! “ He paused, letting the comedian mask fall off to adopt a more sincere tone. “So this was… fun.”

Dan smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, it was.”

“And listen, I know I said this would be a one-time-thing, but turns out, you’re quite good with your hands Howell. With most of your body parts, I reckon.” There it was, the shameless flirt was back. This guy could never be taken seriously. “So hey, if you’re ever extremely sexually frustrated, who are we kidding, that’s probably you most of the time. What I’m saying is that if you’re horny and I’m still single as fuck, give me a call!” A cheeky wink followed the proposition.

“Right.” Dan rolled his eyes. As much as they were sarcastic most of the time, they spoke each other’s language and this was a clear offer of friendship, and an indication that they were cool. Just bros. Dan couldn’t help but let out a tiny sigh of relief.

“Great! So, I’m going to be off now, I have to announce to the whole universe that I just blew the famous danisnotonfire. I’m going to gain so many Twitter followers...“

Dan hit his arm. He could be a real prick sometimes.

“Kidding, kidding. I’m mostly going to go eat all of Bryony’s brownies. I’m positively starving. No Twittering. Just wait a couple minutes before you come down and, uh, fix your hair.” And with that, he slipped out the door and closed it behind him.

Dan sighed and walked up to the mirror. Yep, his hair was definitely curling, but it wasn’t as bad as he thought. He felt relieved. The redness in his face, his hair… it wasn’t anything he couldn’t attribute to simply being drunk and being in hot rooms full of people. He always did think too much about things… After all, many people had done much worse that an innocent hookup with a friend and gotten away with it. No reason to be paranoid.

Something vibrated in his pocket. His phone. Dan looked at the screen, the light blinding him momentarily.

‘Text Message from Phil Lester: ‘Where are you?’ ‘

‘Two Missed Calls from Phil Lester’

Fuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter is finally up! This story has been swirling around my head for a while now. This is my first fanfic ever so I totally appreciate any constructive criticism!
> 
> Lots of fluff in the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P.J. throws a party. Phil is having shirt issues, Louise squeals, Jack complains, Chris speaks like Yoda and… Max is going to be there? Dan might have had too much wine.

_-Earlier that evening-_

 

“Phil, fix your shirt. Your nipples are showing.”

“Oh, what? Again!”

Dan rolled his eyes in typical fashion at Phil’s comical efforts to close the gap that had appeared in the middle of his shirt. Attempting to slot a button through its minuscule hole whilst walking down the narrow pavements of London at dusk with an equally tall and awkward companion seemed too much for Phil’s coordination to handle. Dan was beginning to feel concerned for his roommate’s safety as he kept bumping into his side and half-tripping on the uneven concrete. He didn’t even look where he was going, concentrating his already limited contact-lensed vision to the fumbling fingers on his chest. Dan literally had to grab Phil’s shoulders and pivot his entire body to prevent him from walking into a telephone pole. Phil didn’t even blink.

“Got it! I swear, this keeps happening. This one little button, it just doesn’t want to be trapped inside a hole! It wants to be free so desperately.”

Dan raised his eyebrows in response. Over the years, he and Phil had developed a sort of secret language. Nothing psychic, that was highly implausible, they had just spent so much time around each other that the shortest look and the smallest hint of body language could be easily translated into full sentences. For instance, in this case Dan was saying ‘What you just said was ridiculous, yet somehow endearing. I’m slightly annoyed but I expect no less from you. How would you even survive in the world without me? Also, go on, because you want to say more, don’t you?’

Phil certainly got the message, as his smile grew broader. “Or maybe my shirt just can’t stay closed because of my manly shoulders ripping it apart. My muscular pecks cannot be contained!”

Dan laughed. “You’re right, Phil. You should probably just rip off all your buttons to expose your manly chest and rippled abs. Wouldn’t want to deprive the world of that!” His sarcasm never failed.

“I must admit I have been working out. All those desk exercises! I have a twenty-pack now, it’s hard as rock and it even glitters in the sun. But I don’t think the world is quite ready to see that yet.” With a smirk, Phil seemed to focus back on the street around them, suddenly lost. He twisted his head around in a disoriented fashion, finally looking at Dan with an apprehensive pout. “Uh… Where are we going?”

“I think we’re almost there. PJ gave me the address. I’m thinking it’ll be a pretty swanky house, especially in this part of town… How did he manage to get a freaking mansion to shoot in, again?”

“I think his uncle’s girlfriend’s cousin owns it or something. They’re gone to Egypt for a few weeks and needed someone to housesit. You know, that’s always seemed weird to me. Why do rich people pay people to sit in their houses?”

“So that criminals don’t break in and steal all their rich people stuff? I don’t think PJ’s getting paid, he just gets to shoot his movie in there. And throw a party, apparently. This house-babysitting thing seems like a good deal.”

“Why do you think they call it babysitting? Did people actually use to sit on babies?”

“Maybe babysitting used to be code for child murder… Parents couldn’t feed their children, so they paid a stranger to sit on the baby… Oh god.”

“Well that could feed the children! Everyone would eat baby pancakes all the time.”

“Too far, Phil.”

“I felt that was too far.”

Dan glanced at the display on his phone. They were late, but not too much. From experience, showing up fashionably late at a party was always a good idea. He always felt so awkward around new people, worried that they were all judging him. Giving them time to get a few drinks in their system before he got there definitely made things easier. Plus, there was now a better chance that he would find people he already knew to latch on to.

“Who is coming tonight, anyway?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure PJ invited pretty much every London YouTuber out there. So most likely Chris, Jack and Dean, Louise… I’m guessing everyone who can make it. Also the whole crew for PJ’s video is coming. Max is going to be there.” Phil’s face lit up instantly.

Dan snorted. Even if Phil had tried to hide it from him, he found his roommate’s crush on their BBC co-worker glaringly obvious. Max worked with tech support on their radio show, and had quickly bonded with the two YouTubers over their mutual love of good music and board games. Any onlooker would just have seen the men being friendly with each other, but Dan noticed how Phil had suddenly stood up taller, talked a bit lower and slightly more enthusiastically than he normally would. He noticed how Phil asked more questions, laughed a little bit louder and made cute anxious faces when he wasn’t talking. No words needed to be exchanged. Dan had shot him a suggestive look and Phil had rolled his eyes with the hint of a smile. Dan had been teasing him about it ever since.

To be fair, Dan didn’t use Phil’s predicament solely as a tool of torture. When PJ had told him in a panic that his sound technician for the shoot had cancelled at the last minute, who put him in contact with the object of Phil’s desire? That’s right. Dan felt pretty smug about that one. They were shooting some scenes with PJ this coming Sunday and Phil would get a great excuse to talk to the guy a bit more. Dan was such a good friend sometimes, teasing Phil with kissy faces and suggestive comments under his breath was just part of the benefits.

“OH. Well if  _Max_  is going to be there, then you definitely need to reconsider ripping your shirt off. I hear glittering abs are a great tool for seduction.” Dan tried really hard not to smile.

“Shut up.”

“I think we’re here.”

The house itself didn’t look that different from the others on the street. Tall, ominous, squeezed between its neighbours, with tall windows surrounded by sculpted stone. It definitely belonged to some obnoxiously rich family something like two hundred years ago and had recently been restored to its former glory. It probably also had an ungodly amount of stairs, much like Dan and Phil’s ridiculous apartment. Dan could hear a faint hint of music and voices coming from inside. He smiled.

“Phil, I hope you remember the way to the station, because I definitely plan on getting tabled tonight!”

 

-

 

The party inside was already hopping. Dan snaked his way through warm bodies, trying to find a kitchen where there would hopefully be a corkscrew, stopping briefly to stare at the massive chandelier that loomed over the entrance hall. There were so many more people there than Dan had anticipated, which made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He scanned the crowd in search of a familiar face. Phil, behind him, did not seem to be feeling the same anxiety as he smiled and bobbed his head along to Justin Timberlake. Dan tried not to laugh at how adorable Phil was being. As he turned the corner into what he thought would be the kitchen, he felt his breath being knocked out by a pink and glittery mass pressing against his chest. A pair of excited arms wrapped around him.

“Daaaaan!”

Dan returned the hug as best he could while just managing to hold on to the bottle of wine he had brought. “Louise! Hi!” As quickly as the blonde had jumped him, she had moved on.

“And Phiiiiil!” She hugged the other man in a similar way before pulling back. The rosy tint in her cheeks indicated that she definitely already had a few. “Phil! You look absolutely adorable! Quite handsome, actually! Is that a new button-down?”

Phil blushed slightly. “An old one, actually. It’s a bit small.”

Dan chuckled. That’s exactly why he had worn it, that spoon. Phil made a point to ignore him and kept eye contact with their tipsy friend.

“Have you seen PJ anywhere? “

“Yes! I think he’s in the lounge with all those hunky guys from his film crew. Come, I’ll show you where it is!”

Phil shot Dan a triumphant look, and a flash of blonde hair and glitter later, Dan was left to fend for himself. He felt an urge to leave the cramped kitchen, but he had priorities. Namely, drinking some wine.

 

-

 

Dan sipped at the strawberry and tequila concoction in his cup absent-mindedly. It had been a few hours since he’d last seen Phil, but he had no desire to go back downstairs. It was loud and too crowded there. He had come upstairs as soon as he managed to wrench the cork out of his bottle (with considerable help from Jim). Away from the frenzy of the kitchen and the lounge, smaller groups of people were chatting and playing card games in the various rooms of the upper floors. This was much more Dan’s scene. Still, he should probably check on his friend.

Dan glanced at his phone to notice a string of text message from Phil, received about an hour ago.

‘Ben Cook brought maple-syrup whiskey from his trip to Canada!’

‘DAN IT IS SO GOOD’

That was followed by a nonsensical string of emojis, mostly consisting of Canadian flags and dancing ladies. Finally:

‘Let’s taxi later? I’m sloshed. We’ll get murdered if we try to take the Tube.’

Dan replied with a smiley face and a taxi emoji and quickly slipped his phone back in his pocket. They tried not to do this too much, text each other in social situations, because it was one of the rare occasions they had to actually talk with other people. It was still nice to know that they always had a direct way to reach each other. Dan shifted his position, uncrossing his legs and leaning back against the wall from where he was sitting on the floor. He blinked a few times. He had totally zoned out of the conversation.

“… that doesn’t change the fact that I have been single for way too long. I haven’t gone on a date in like, five months!” Give it to Jack Howard to start being a drama queen. Dan laughed nervously. He hadn’t gone on a date in… well to be honest it had been years. God, he hoped his friends didn’t all realize how utterly pathetic he was.

“Yeah, same. I’m still single as fuck.” Might as well join in on the self-deprecation. It was Dan’s specialty after all.

“Really? You mean you and Phil…” The girl sipping a cooler next to Chris looked at him curiously.

Dan should have expected that. It was no surprise; he was used to people assuming Phil and him were together, but sometimes it got on his nerves. He launched into the pre-prepared response, almost like an answering machine.

“No, Phil and I aren’t together. I know we look like twins, and we live together, and everyone thinks we’re dating, especially the Internet, but we’re not. We’re best friends and even if we act like an old married couple it’s strictly platonic.” These didn’t even feel like words anymore, he had said them so many times. His eyes widened. Maybe he had sounded a bit exasperated; he didn’t want to seem rude.

He smiled apologetically to the brunette. “It’s okay though, don’t worry. A lot of people just assume. I don’t mind.”

“Oh okay, sorry.” She blushed slightly.

Jack shook his head, smiling. “Now that Dan’s finished singing his theme song, can we get back to the problem at hand, please? I’m single and miserable here.”

“What do you miss most about the couple life, then?” Chris asked smugly.

“Sex, definitely. My hand just isn’t as good.”

The guy leaning on the bed opposite Dan jumped in. His name was Ethan or Eric or something and Dan wasn’t sure if he liked him very much. It was also that time of night where all the conversations took either a philosophical or an extremely sexual turn and from the looks of it, Eric-Evan was leaning toward the latter. “That’s why I’m plenty glad I’m not single anymore. Even when my girlfriend and I fight, the make-up sex is always worth it. Masturbation can’t compete with sleeping with an actual girl.”

“Or a boy. I prefer to say men and women, actually.” Chris had put on an over-exaggerated posh accent for comedic effect, which he quickly dropped. “Also, being single does not prevent you from getting sexy with someone, in fact it can make it much easier.”

Dan snickered. “Right, Chris, because you’re so busy being a Don Juan. Of course.”

“You never know, Dan. Being as good looking as I am definitely comes with benefits.” He winked.

Jack sipped his beer nonchalantly, unimpressed. “Personally I could never just have one-night stands. I don’t know, doesn’t it seem a bit ridiculous that you should find a perfect stranger and instantly be comfortable enough to get naked with them and lick their privates? I mean what if she’s a murderer? Or she’s got STDs? Or she’s just really, really bad in bed?”

Chris wiggled his eyebrows. “Ah, because you see, young padawan, sleeping around with strange women, you must not.” It was his Yoda voice, now. That never failed to be mildly creepy, but Dan was a bit curious. What on earth did he mean?

“You mean sleep with people you know? Like friends with benefits? Sorry but that sounds like a horrible idea.” Jack, ever the cynic, was determined to poke holes through Chris’s theory.

“See, that’s because people just do it wrong. It’s not supposed to be like in the movies, where boy shags girl until they fall madly in love, that’s just plain irresponsible. No, the trick is to get someone you trust, but aren’t that close to, and most importantly someone you have absolutely no romantic interest in. You’ve also got to make sure you’re on the same page, that the other person isn’t like secretly obsessed with you because that’s a recipe for disaster… Though ultimately you should not do it more than a few times with the same person, because that’s when it can start to get relationship-y. If you follow those guidelines, though… It’s quite a practical thing to do.”

Eric-Ethan laughed. “Blimey! Looks like you’ve done this before! Anyone we know?”

Chris gave him a cheeky wink. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

A loud laugh and some outraged cries exploded from the next room, where a few people had apparently started an intense game of Cards Against Humanity.

“They seem like they’re having fun, I think I’m going to go join them. Are you boys game too?” Brunette girl offered as she got up.

“Yeah, sure! I’ll come with you.” Jack replied with a little too much eagerness.

“What I need is another drink. I’ll see you all later, yeah?” Was Ethan-Eric-Evan’s reply.

As the three made their way out, Chris sunk into an almost lying down position. “Enjoy yourselves, children, I’m going to finish this beer and pass out on this floor.”

Dan waited for them to be alone in the room, door slightly ajar and the voices of the others distant before he turned toward his friend to satisfy his curiosity. Maybe he was being a bit nosy, but he had drank a full bottle of wine and quite a bit of Jack’s bizarre strawberry thing and his filters were all but gone.

“Between you and me, the person you slept with… Was it PJ?”

“Pj? Linguori? No, unfortunately. I wish. That boy needs to come out to himself already.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ve just always wondered…”

“Nope, still so far in the closet he’s lost in Narnia. Or maybe he actually is straight and I’m a judging asshole.” He laughed. “You actually don’t know the guy I had a thing with, it happened a while ago. I’ve had no action in months, just wanted to make myself seem a bit more edgy than I am in real life. That Eric guy seemed kind of arrogant.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Dan attempted to take a sip of his drink only to realize that it was all gone. When did that happen?

“So, how long has it been for you?”

“Huh?”

“When’s the last time you had a good bang?”

Dan would have choked on his drink had there been any left. The last time he had sex… God, it was so long ago. Dan had always been the relationship type of guy, as he just felt way too awkward approaching strangers, let alone for sexual favours. Dan tended to make-out with people at parties, but he rarely let it get very far. He was mainly paranoid that anyone he didn’t really know could turn out to be a stalker in disguise or something. Having his whole life on display on the Internet had its downsides. The last time he had been with anyone… was the last time he had been in a relationship. If you can call the mess he and Phil used to have a relationship. That had fizzled out years ago, before they even moved to London. Now, looking back, Dan was a bit shocked at how long ago it had been. He had been so preoccupied with YouTube, the BBC, the book, the tour… time had passed so quickly and he was still just as single.

“Years. It’s literally been four or five years.”

Chris’s eyes widened and he sat up, leaning on his arms to stay upright. “Five years? Wow Dan, that’s a lifetime! You seriously need to get laid. Don’t you get…”

“Sexually frustrated? All the time. It’s irritating.” Dan truly had no more filter if he was having this conversation with Chris. He shook his head.

“I know the feeling.”

A silence followed. It was charged, somewhat, but Dan didn’t read too much into it. His mind was a bit loopy and he wondered how bad his hangover would be the next day. Thank god he had no plans. Wait, did he have plans tomorrow?

“Hey Dan?”

“Mmm?”

“We’re good friends, right?”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

“But would you say we’re not really that close anymore?”

Dan smiled sadly, a bit confused. It was true; they barely saw each other anymore. “I, yeah, I guess. What are you on about?”

Chris ignored the question, speaking cautiously, a hint of malice in his eyes. “But you trust me?”

“Um, yeah. Should I not?” God forbid Chris decide to spread the word that Dan was basically a born-again virgin.

“And, though one of us is still camping in the closet, we’re both bi, right? As in we like sucking penis.”

“Chris, what are you on ab-“ Dan’s eyes widened as the wheels in his drunken mind clicked into place.

Chris raised his eyebrows, waiting.

“Are you… Are you propositioning me?”

“Only if you want to be propositioned to.” Chris shrugged. He seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing.

Dan was in such a state of shock that he just sat there, mouth agape, staring at his friend. “What, do you mean like here? Now? In the middle of a party? Are you mad?”

“Maybe, but I’m also really drunk and I’ve been half-hard for the past hour.”

Dan couldn’t help but glance at Chris’s crotch. Yep, there was definitely something going on there. At the thought, his pants started to feel a bit tighter. Crap. It wasn’t that Chris aroused Dan, he reasoned, this just tended to happen when he drank too much and the fact that he was thinking about sex was not helping. He swallowed.

“How would you propose we go about this, then?” What. Did those words just come out of his mouth?

“Well, everyone is busy elsewhere. All we need to do is lock the door, turn off the lights – Which will also make it easier for you to pretend I’m George Clooney or something - “

“And then we just what. Have sex on the floor?” Dan just gave up on trying to rationalize his thoughts. Act now, think later. He already felt the rush of adrenaline surging though his body.

“I don’t know about you, but I certainly did not plan for this. So unless you have lube and a condom in your pocket...”

Dan blushed. What an idiot he was. “Right. So…”

“I guess just do to me what you want me to do to you and we’ll take it from there?” Chris seemed cautious, almost like he didn’t quite believe what Dan was saying.

“That seems fair.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Dan’s pants were feeling snugger by the minute. “Yeah, I guess I do.” Act now, think later.

“Okay then.”

Then Chris was standing up, and he was locking the door, and Dan stood up and followed him because he didn’t know what to do with his body but also because he would be damned if he didn’t make sure the door was locked himself. Finally, with an ominous click, the lights were out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much for the great response! Seriously though, your comments and messages give me life.
> 
> Next chapter is already half-written, so expect it this week!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a typical day in the Howell-Lester household, complete with sexy dreams, existential crises, emotional scarring and cringe attacks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourselves, this is a long one.
> 
> -

Dan turned around for the fifth time in his bed, trying to hold on to the dream that was inevitably slipping away. The thing with dreams was that as soon as you tried to hold on to them, they evaporated. When Dan was younger, he had been able to access a state of lucid dreaming, but it hadn’t happened in years. Dan couldn’t even remember who he had just been dreaming about, but it had felt nice and he really wanted to plunge back into his subconscious. His body felt warm and slightly uncomfortable as rays of sunlight started stinging his eyes. He covered his face with a groan.

He was definitely hung over; his mouth was dry and his limbs felt like jelly. Well, not all of his limbs apparently. Dan peered at the tent between his legs, surprised. That sort of morning surprise hadn’t happened in a while.

His left hand subconsciously slid underneath the waistband of his underwear, caressing his erection. Dan flinched at the touch of his cold fingers, but everything was quickly becoming warmer. Without warning, he remembered the dream he had been having just a few moments ago.

It had been a sexy dream, that much was obvious and would explain how hard he was. Dan was lying under a purple starry sky, being pushed down onto something really soft. A man with skin smooth as silk had been kissing his neck and -Dan accelerated his hand movements at the oncoming memory- and fucking him hard and gently all at once. He could practically feel his chest against his own, his breath against his neck, his girth deep inside him. It had been so vivid, so intense. Dan’s blood boiled under his skin and his legs tingled as his imaginary lover pressed into him to the rhythm of the strokes of his hand. It didn’t take Dan long to reach his climax in his half-asleep haze. The faceless man in his dream slowly faded away, leaving Dan feeling oddly empty.

As much as he could just fall back to sleep, the uncomfortable mess in his underwear and the pasty sensation in his mouth were a little too uncomfortable. Annoyed, he resolved to grab a glass of water. Dan sat up, suddenly hit by a dizzy spell. He was about to rub his eyes when he realized that his hand was covered in come. Gross. He really needed a shower.

The sound of clashing pots and pans alerted Dan that Phil was already awake. Great, he would have to sneak past the kitchen to reach the washroom… Why was their flat so bizarrely constructed? Dan grabbed a change of clothes and tried to step out of his room as silently as possible.

The thing with trying to be stealthy when you are hung over is that it’s nearly impossible, let alone for a klutzy giant like Dan. He reached the staircase at the end of the hallway undetected, thinking he had managed quite well until he lost his balance and tumbled down the last few steps, landing on the lower level of their apartment with a loud thud.

“Dan? Are you alright?” Phil’s voice sounded mildly amused coming from above.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Still alive!”

“Well hurry upstairs when you’re done. I’ve made pancakes!”

Dan did not need to be told twice.

 

-

 

Turns out that pancakes, coffee, and anime were the perfect cure for a hangover. Dan happily sunk down in his sofa crease, trying to piece the previous evening back together. He remembered arriving home from the taxi ride absolutely hammered. He and Phil had painfully climbed the never-ending staircase leading them to their beds. Dan had been whining about the exercise, and Phil had retorted that ‘Climbing stairs is not that difficult, Daniel’ before loosing his footing and completely falling back, almost sending them both tumbling in the process. Dan had laughed so hard he’d almost peed himself.

Dan also remembered drinking a lot. He had definitely spilled some maple whiskey on PJ’s pants at some point, when Chris bumped into his arm…

Chris. Dan suddenly became very self-aware as he remembered the earlier events of the night. Had they been discreet? Had Phil figured it out?

Dan glanced at his roommate sitting across from him on the couch. Phil was still in his Star Wars pajamas, hair tousled from last night’s sleep, glasses perched on his nose, legs crossed under his overheating laptop. He was in the middle of editing the video he had filmed a couple days ago, concentrating on the screen, earphones plugged. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Dan sighed. He had never been good at keeping secrets from Phil and knew that he would have to confess eventually. Even so, he couldn’t help but to feel relief that his friend wasn’t pestering him about his bad choices right now. Dan could use a few more hours of mindless browsing.

Somehow, after an entire morning on Tumblr, Dan had found himself deep in the abyss of the website. Not the soul-absorbing black hole of the danisnotonfire tag, thank goodness, but the unlikely whirlpool of adorable, instagram-filtered, insightfully quoted representations of #love. All things considered, Dan knew this to be an equally perilous experience. Why was he even looking at… aaawwwww! Dan almost cooed at a drawing of two wide-eyed anime kids kissing under falling cherry blossoms. Yep, he definitely liked that one.

Next came two hot tattooed men cuddling together in a tangle of white sheets. The sight of it made his heart melt, though Dan refrained from liking that one, for obvious reasons. Then, the silhouette of a man and a woman, holding hands as they walked into a perfect sunset. A gif of hands intertwining in black and white. “Love wins!” penned colorfully in a tasteful font. A drawing of a giggling baby embraced by its two dads. Dan paused.

The last picture gave him too many feels and melted his insides a little bit. He wanted that. He wanted everything that picture was portraying someday. That future seemed quite distant but if he could have made a split-second decision, Dan would have been one of the men in that drawing right now, he would be holding the man or woman he loved and the cutest baby, their baby, in his arms.

Dan groaned. As adorable as the idea was, the prospect of having a family seemed so far away. He wasn’t anywhere close to dating somebody, not that he particularly minded, he barely had time to keep himself sane let alone maintain a relationship. At the rate things were speeding up with YouTube and the BBC, he didn’t see his and Phil’s career slowing down in the next few years. Would he ever have time to start dating someone? How would he even find this person, considering the fact that the world was now full of stalkers and people who would simply be weirded-out by his strange, overly exposed life? The worst of Dan was out for all the world to see, right there on his YouTube channel. Who would want to date that? To marry that?

Dan grumbled a little louder, closing his eyes and letting his head fall onto the back of the sofa as he felt the oncoming tide of another existential crisis. He was not in the mood, but there was no stopping his thoughts now.

If he ever found someone willing to date him, if he did, would he love that person enough to marry them? Would they love him enough to put up with his habits and excessive Internet addiction forever? Some people dated for years and still ended up breaking it off. And even if he found that person, getting married? Having kids? Was that even possible without giving everything else up? If he ended up with a man, would adopting really be as difficult and take as much time as they say? Surely no sane adult would willingly entrust him with a child… And even if he managed, how old would he be by the time everything happened? Fifty? Sixty? Was he going to be a geriatric father? He was already older than his parents were when he was born. Would he be the kind of father that dies in an old-age home, abandoning his kids in their twenties and never hoping to ever meet his grandchildren? Or worse, what if he died alone?

Dan felt Phil’s gaze summoning him from the other end of the couch, piercing through the dark clouds that surrounded him. He rolled his head dramatically to stare at his ever-so-perceptive roommate.

Phil was examining Dan through his glasses. His eyebrows patiently rose, questioning his roommate as he took a deliberate sip from his coffee. Dan knew this was his cue to explain.

“It’s just hit me how I’m so, _so_ single…” Dan groaned, stretching the words until it sounded like he was drowning. He then adopted a more sarcastic tone. “I bet I’ll just stay single forever. Try to grow a beard. Make like Dumbledore and collect strange fiery birds until the day I die. Because let’s face it, realistically, I probably won’t find someone before I die.”

Phil seemed slightly amused. “You’re telling _me_ that _you’re_ getting old and single? Ouch.” He let out a hushed laugh before looking down at his screen again.

Dan’s eyes followed Phil’s actions as he fiddled with the end of a particularly long clip where ‘Phil’ was wearing a wig, sunglasses and a huge straw hat Dan had no idea they even owned. Dan rolled his eyes.

“Look, It’s different for you, at least you have a real person to pine over... An actual person who is a friend who you find interesting.” Dan went on. “I can’t even remember the last time I was legitimately interested in someone remotely accessible.”

Phil opened his mouth to protest but refrained, waiting patiently for the rest of his friend’s analysis to spill out.

Dan sighed melodramatically as he sunk further down into his sofa crease. “Seriously though. Literally everyone I’m mildly crushing on is super famous, straight and totally unattainable.”

“Dramatic, much?”

Dan theatrically brought a hand to his forehead in response.

“I’m sure that’s not all true. Evan Peters is only straight _as far as we know_. Some people, for whatever reason, seem to not advertise their sexuality publicly all over the Internet.”

That certainly got Dan to smile.

“Plus, we’re both super-internet-famous – unless you forgot – So we can totally get on the same level as celebrities. Who high-fived Jennifer Lawrence last year? I call that reaching first base.”

Dan couldn’t help but to grin even more.

“First base? If that’s first base, oh my god Phil, I can’t bear to imagine the raunchiness of whatever you consider _second base_ to be.”

Despite Phil’s bizarre reasoning, Dan already felt much better. Somehow, his friend was always able to steer him away from an emotional meltdown with a few nonsensical remarks. How he did it, Dan had no clue.

“You can’t know about second base! Your ears are much too delicate to hear those kinds of things, Danny.”

“Right. Silly me, I’m just an innocent child. A child who will grow older and older and older and _die alone_ without even making it to second base. To die a virgin. The horror.”

“If I recall, you’re already way past the point of being a virgin.” Phil mischievously pointed out.

Dan stared at Phil in surprise. They rarely brought up the time when they were together. It was understood that it was a no-man’s-land when it came to their friendship, something they preferred to keep in the past, forgotten. The back of Dan’s neck prickled uncomfortably.

But Phil did not let go. “Pretty sure you’ve been to _all_ the bases. With multiple teams, may I add.”

If Phil wanted to bring up past sexual exploits, he was challenging the wrong person. Dan could one-up him at this with no problem.

“ _If I recall,_ you’re the one who’s been to the most… baseball games? Tournaments? Nope, that was terrible. What I meant to say is, you’ve been with way more people than me, you slut.”

Dan held Phil’s gaze, committing fully to the staring contest they had just begun. He had accepted the challenge and wouldn’t back down now.

Phil’s cheeks had reddened slightly, but there was a playful glint in his eyes. Dan realized that he was far from being out of the woods. It was now Phil’s turn to attack.

“ _If I recall,_ I’m not the one who made out with Tyler Oakley at VidCon last year.”

Dan cringed for real this time.

“Ughhhh. Come on, that was… We were all drunk out of our minds! Tyler made out with at least five people that night. I barely even remember it happening.”

Phil’s smirk only grew wider.

“Still happened, I saw it. I remember”

He then proceeded to make ridiculous kissy faces and tongue noises that made Dan want to punch his past self in the face. Or punch Phil, more like.

“Whatever. I’m not the one who drunkenly made out with Ben on a movie set – and was interrupted by one of his producers.”

Now it was Phil’s turn to cringe.

“Oh nooo! I blocked that out! Remind me to never ever drink on a set ever again.”

Phil shook his entire body in an effort to get rid of the embarrassing memory. He seemed unsure of what to say next and for a second Dan thought he had won, but something flashed on Phil’s face and he leaned in to stare at Dan from mere inches away. There was something slightly unnerving about that look. Dan gulped.

“Well at least it was his producer who walked in, not my mum.”

Not that. Dan let out a long, pained whine from the bottom of his throat. His eyes clamped tight as his hands grasped at his forehead in an attempt to rip out his brain as one of his most repressed memory assaulted him with the force of a titan.

He had been sixteen, with his girlfriend at the time, and foolish enough to forget to lock the door. Let’s just say that his were not the only clothes littering the carpet. His mum had screamed. He still couldn’t look at her in the eyes sometimes. Always lock the door Dan. ALWAYS LOCK THE DOOR.

He jumped in surprise as he realized he had literally just hit himself in the face. Gaining back the control of his limbs, he didn’t hesitate to punch a hysterically laughing Phil in the arm, and then the stomach.

“I hate you. I fucking hate you so much right now.”

“Ow! Ow, stop it Dan, it hurts! I’m sorry!” Phil managed to squeal between waves of laughter.

Dan soon abandoned attacking his friend, still feeling the sting. The mental image of him mom seeing him naked on top of his high-school girlfriend was not something he had intended to relive, ever. All he knew is he now needed to get back at Phil. He searched his memories, hoping to remember horribly embarrassing memories of Phil’s. As much as he tried, Dan came up with absolutely nothing. Phil had been with many people, true, but almost always in the context of a relationship. He was the model of a mature, emotionally stable adult. Dan, on the other hand, seemed to generally fail at life. This was a war he could not win.

A wild text noise appeared, immediately distracting a smug but apologetic Phil. Dan let out a breath of relief. He had been saved by the bell. Dan made a mental note to never bring up embarrassing sexual exploits with Phil again. As long as Phil was sidetracked with his phone, he could move on to reading some of his replies on Twitter.

And as per usual after a bit of a clash, the two roommates went back to their individual business, comfortable in the silence of their lounge. Dan decided to pop in a movie, deciding that mind-numbing sci-fi and blood splatters fit his mood perfectly. Phil kept working, editing away. He couldn’t have been very productive as he kept pausing what he was doing to comment on the action on the TV or to make himself a fourth coffee. It was nice to be able to revert to normalcy like that, knowing that when they irritated each other they could immediately forgive, forget and move on to making bad jokes and procrastinating together.

Dan did notice that Phil kept getting text messages, eagerly replying each and every time. Without fail, a peculiar smile crept on his face each and every time there was a buzz. The name of the person on the other end of this exchange might as well have been written in neon letters on his forehead.

Dan was about to make a comment when he glanced at what Phil was doing on his laptop. The raven-haired boy was now in the process of adding a blurry effect to a very dramatic clip of himself screaming something about being able to see. Also, ‘Phil’ on the screen was disguised in an enormous burgundy scarf and had an illuminati symbol sharpied on his forehead. What the...

“Um, Phil?”

Dan leaned in towards the screen, apprehensive, intrigued but somehow not in the least bit surprised. It never ceased to amaze him how after all this time he still felt excitement before watching his friend’s videos. Yep, Dan was definitely still a Phil fangirl.

“What in the world is this video?”

Phil wiggled his eyebrows as he paused the clip and turned to face Dan.

“You’ll just have to wait and –“

“SEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

The loud noise of Phil’s scream from the video made Dan jump. Phil giggled.

“-did you just –“

“Yep.”

Phil seemed very proud of himself. Dan just shook his head.

“Alright then. I’ll wait and seeeeEEEEEE.”

 

-

 

Dan waited until after supper to strike.

“So, what exciting things has Max been texting you about all day?”

Phil was taken aback.

“What? Who says Max has been texting me? I might have been texting someone else, like Santa! Or my mum!”

“Oh, come on, Phil. You’ve been glued to your phone for the past twelve hours and you’ve been – you’re _still_ grinning like an idiot.”

“Yeah, ok, it’s Max.” Phil grinned without restraint. “We’re just talking.”

“ _Just_ talking? All day? Wasn’t he supposed to be working on PJ’s set?”

“Exactly! There’s a lot of waiting around. He’s bored.”

Phil wasn’t letting on anything more. Dan had no idea how Max felt about his friend, but he was definitely friendlier than he used to be. Phil certainly was not elaborating and Dan was determined to get to the bottom of this.

“So what sorts of things do bored people discuss?”

“Loads of things! You’re being awfully curious today.”

“Well I do have to check if he’s trying to seduce you, don’t I? Defend your honor and all that, as your official wingman.”

“Shut up. We’re just friends.”

“If you say so.”

“If you really want to know though, he did tell me that there were some pretty strange rumors on set about the party last night.”

Phil had changed his tone and Dan did not like where this was going. Shit.

“Oh really? Somebody contacted spirits in a séance or something?”

“No, apparently there were people who hooked up during the party. One of the beds on set was messed up and there was a Kleenex box right on it. Dead give-away.”

Dan wanted to stab himself with a fork. How could he have been so stupid! The thought of people knowing was mortifying, but Dan tried his best to seem collected and slightly skeptical.

“Is he sure? I mean there could be a dozen different explanations for that.”

“Yes, except Enric totally heard noises coming from that room yesterday.”

“Enric? What kind of a name is Enric?”

“What do you mean, Enric is such a cool name! I wonder if I could pull it off. Enric Lester…”

“Phil, that sounds horrible. Stop.”      

“Anyway. Max’s friend Enric seems to think it was Jack and the girl he was hanging around all night, but I doubt Jack would do that.”

“Right. Yes.”

“Dan?”

“What.” Dan knew what was coming. Phil was watching him like a hawk, which meant he had noticed that something was amiss. Dan tried to stay stone-faced, but could only hold Phil’s glare for so long.

“ _You know who it was!”_ Phil exclaimed triumphantly.

“No I don’t.”

“You do! That’s hilarious, I thought Max was making it all up. It’s actually true. You’re a terrible liar Dan, you know that? How did you find o-“

Phil froze as realization washed over his expression, his eyes wide as saucers.

“It was you.”

Dan felt his neck turning red. Sometimes, he hated that Phil could always tell what he was thinking. He covered his face in shame.

“No it wasn’t?”

“Oh my god Dan! It _was_ you! What? Ho... Who?”

“Oh god.”

It took a while for Phil to gather his thoughts as he gaped at his friend. Dan would have found his expression funny if he wasn’t busy laughing and cringing at the same time.

“You hooked up with someone? I can’t believe you haven’t told me!”

“I feel so ashamed.”

“So?” Phil asked. He was clearly dying to know, but managed to hold his curiosity back for the sake of Dan’s dignity.

Dan sighed in defeat. “ _If_ I tell you, _if_ , can you promise not to freak out or to make a big deal out of it?”

“I promise on the grave of my dead grandma!”

“I may or may not have fooled around with Chris.”

Phil lost the ability to speak momentarily. His expression changed to one of concern.

“Chris. Chris Kendall? Dan… are you sure that was a good idea?”

“See, this is why I didn’t tell you! I knew you would freak out about this. It’s not what you think, we don’t fancy each other or anything. We were just drunk and, uh, pretty horny and… sort of there?”

“How does that even make sense?”

“I don’t know. He was telling me his whole theory on friends with benefits and how it’s a much better idea than porking a complete stranger. I mean, we really don’t see each other that way at all so it somehow makes easier because there’s no way it could ever get more complicated than just… sex? I swear it made sense, there was lots of logic involved.”

“I still can’t believe you had sex with Chris.”

“We didn’t actually fuck! We just… helped each other get off. Sort of.”

Phil made a face. “That’s gross, Dan.”

“Not really. Chris is pretty good with his tongue, actually.” Dan smirked.

“Stop! Too much information. I did not need to picture that. No.”

“You asked for it.” Dan smiled unapologetically.

“I didn’t! Geez, Dan. Are you still sure it was a good idea? I mean you don’t want to mess with a friendship like that. Plus, Chris is dealing with some stuff…”

“He is a perfectly sane and consenting adult, Phil. As am I.”

Phil still didn’t look convinced. “I just don’t get why you risked it, is all.”

“Because I was horny, Phil! Because I’m alone and lonely as fuck and sexually frustrated. If I’m going to be single for the rest of my life so be it, but I’m sick of taking care of things myself. I can’t very well go out to a club and hook up with a potential crazy stalker now can I? Chris and I are friends, he’s not going to announce to the world how bisexual I am without my consent. I’m just tired of being alone and I don’t plan on being abstinent for the rest of my life.”

Phil frowned. He had listened to Dan’s explosion without budging, and Dan couldn’t quite place his expression which was unusual.

“You won’t be alone forever, Dan. You will find someone, I promise.”

“That’s very nice of you to say, Phil, but I don’t think it’s very realistic. Given the fact that I don’t socialize and that my entire life is on the Internet.”

Phil silently stared at the floor, deep in thought. Dan was confused. He had assumed Phil wouldn’t really approve of his thing with Chris, but not that he would react like this. He seemed almost… sad.

“So do you plan on doing it again? With Chris.”

Dan was startled. He honestly hadn’t thought about that possibility.

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

Phil nodded. “Well whatever you do, be careful. Sex can get tricky.”

“Yes, mother.”

Phil rolled his eyes and resumed reading his book. He shot Dan a reassuring smile after a minute of awkward silence.

Dan zoned out. He had suddenly lost the will to spend another four hours in his sofa crease, sharing the lounge. He knew Phil wasn’t saying everything that was on his mind and that worried him. They never kept secrets from each other. Phil was trying very hard to act like everything was normal. As much as it annoyed him, Dan wouldn’t bother him about it. Not now, anyway. Phil could be an open book but he could also transform into a sealed vault and when that happened there was little anyone could do to get something out of him.

Dan sighed. He was starting to get a headache.

“I think I’m going to bed.”

Phil looked up. “Good night! Oh, I should tell you, Max is probably going to come over after the shoot tomorrow if that’s all right. We want to play Settlers of Catan.”

“Sounds like fun!”

“I invited Peej and Sophie as well.”

“Great, so PJ can annihilate us like last time.”

“Essentially.”

“Two social events in three days, what is happening? I don’t recognize ourselves.”

“I know, right? It’s like we’re becoming completely different people.”

Despite the sarcasm, Phil’s words left Dan feeling uneasy. He couldn’t shake the feeling that _something_ had changed; he had just no idea what, or why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments = Love!  
> New chapter soon!


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